My Starbucks Planner 2008 Award Speech
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly believe this! I feel so coked-up! And this 2008 Starbucks Planner - it’s so heavy! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have imagined that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other closeted homosexual nominees ( jean and toni ), I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!
You know, there are so many ass-kissing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the glorified prostitutes ( bonnie and shella ) of the Starbucks Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank my guru George, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to the People Under the Stairs ( joanne, julius and kim ), who taught me to take life by the balls. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts ( ruthie a.k.a. angelofthewaters and carolinah ) - I couldn’t have done it without you!
Thank you Starbucks Coffee, and good night!
